A flavor a day..

And I’m back. Finally..

Things have been haywire recently. The last month and a half has not been on my side..

Not sure if I mentioned it in the last post but it all pretty much started with a friend passing away. Still unsure of the reason and the exact way things went down. It was discovered that he took his own life but like I said, why or how, we just dont know yet.. I also found out how another friend had passed back in november. It was at first assumed a suicide but later found out it was due to a lethal cocktail of prescription drugs. Scary stuff..

The only positive that has happened was me moving into my house. Although it is stressfull as all hell. You would think working two full time jobs would cover all the necessities I have in the miniscule amount of free time I actually get but no. Of course not. This is america, so nothing is just that easy.

I now have a flagged ticket/soon to be warrant for running toll boths. Nice, right? Yeah, I dont already pay taxes when I buy gas for driving on the road or anything.. “But the roads are owned by a private company!” Yeah, and the land those roads are on? Thank you. I’ll leave the rest to the government..

Well, thats how work life has been. Although I did fail to mention I got “promoted” to manager at the Hookah bar.. Which isnt much to say. Now I just have to deal with angry customers and rude servers. Which I also have the good grace of getting to fire them as well. Something to do in my agenda today unfortunately..

Otherwise, Life has been shit. I know I’ve mentioned the boyfriend before. Yeah well, that isnt going so well. Shocker, eh? No, things arent bad, but they arent good. This will sound like it has a totally different meaning than it really does but just give me the chance to explain..

Me and the Bf have been dating just over four months. If you want to get down with the official BS than just over three. But anywho, somehow things have managed to take a negative turn. The reasoning? None. What-so-ever. He literally has not touched me in ANY sexual way in over a month. Keep in mind what holiday just passed…Yeah. Things have been shaky now for just over a month. I’ve been letting it pass and pass just to see if maybe the next day will be better. We dont fight or argue or get upset with eachother. We havent had one tiff. I’ve had my bad days unfortunately but I havent made him feel as though he was responsible. Thinking he would use valentines day to make up for everything, I made him a v-day card. It was already known that neither of us are huge holiday fans but I figured, hey..Its the couples holiday and hes a sweet guy, maybe he’ll use it in his best interest.

Ha. How silly of me to think that. It ended up being just like every other day. We hang out, he goes out, drinks, comes back and passes out with absolutely no physical affection. He still kisses me and calls me babe..all that normal stuff.. But as for feeling as though he is physically attracted to me? Yeah, still not feeling it. I don’t feel like he is at all attracted to me. I feel as though he’s sticking around because he either feels bad or because its easy..or maybe he just doesnt want to say anything? I dont know. The even more down side is that he has no idea why either. After bringing it to attention yesterday, he pretty much let me know he doesnt know why he is doing it. He keeps himself very guarded. Which i can’t deny, Ive seen it. He does keep himself extremely guarded and I shoudlve taken the hint when as soon as things got more serious and I took a small step forward, he took a huge leap back. Now, on his end, I understand it is a lot harder for guys to accept things like that. and I know they arent the best at talking things out . But the main issue has been that he has been acting totally normal, not upset with me the whole time. But the physical part has been totally lacking. Now let me explain why this is an issue. For one, he’s a guy. He has a girlfriend (me) thats EXTREMELY willing to give/receive pleasure at any time. Now, I’m not gonna sit here and say OH HES THE BEST EVER but after 3-4 rounds a day, yeah i can say im pretty pleased. Two, I have a house. A house where I can be as loud and wild as I want. Or as WE want. Ive been living in this house since Feb 1st and I have yet to have sex in that house, much less get any sort of physical with him. Usually its the girl saying “Oh noo We have too much sex, thats all you want me for blah blah” well he isnt saying ANYTHING. Its just not happening. And Now we’ve finally reached the point where its a topic of discussion and I’m still getting almost no answer. Obviously knowing him helps me out a little bit because yes he is weird as hell (Which i love) so he doesnt handle things the way a normal person would. And by weird I mean so disgustingly smart, its retarded. Smart people are fucking weird. Unless they’re the all around prodigy child, which they dont count. But he basically just says that he’s guarded and that yes as soon as i started taking it more seriously he took a step back. He doesnt know what he wants, and he’s been too scared to talk about it because he didnt want to hurt my feelings. But I dont think he realized how much the whole process/last month has actually hurt. So now we’re….I dont know. We arent broken up, but I’m making him take the time to figure out what the hell he wants. Its been stressful as shit for me. Dating someone who basically treats you like a friend that gets kisses and cuddles. This guy is literally the epitamy of my dream man. Smart as all hell, and when i say smart, I mean so smart its fucking annoying sometimes and I absolutely love it. He gets along with ALL my friends and family. As do I with his. His sense of humor fits with mine perfectly. We enjoy the same type of comical (usually degrading) conversations as one another. His list of hobbies are endless. Also, he’s military police. Now if you knew me personally you would know that I tend to take part in a recreational “drug” (because thats what YOU call it) marijuana. I have for years now. Its not something I rely on, and I dont do it every day. At least not anymore. I’ve taken serious control of it and Im happy with where I am at right now. But like i was saying, knowing me, you would know that the last thing I would voluntarily do is date a cop. of any sort. Also, I’m not a big fan of guns. Although my gaming choices beg to differ (I’m a tad bit obsessed with CoD..mw2 4 lyfe lol) I’m into blades. Well leave it to me to find the one guy around that happens to be MA as well as a gun enthusiast. Usually thats a red light telling me to gooo the other way
!! But for whatever reason, with this guy, it didnt affect me one bit. I didnt care, and I still dont. Im respectful in the fact that I do NOT bring it around him in any instance where he can get in trouble. Now obviously at my house there is paraphenalia among other things and he doesnt mind one bit. But its never on me outside of my home. He has never had an issue with that. Not to mention, and this is just a positive that happened to come with the package…He’s handsome. EXTREMELY handsome. Now obviously that all goes with opinion, but he is exactly what I’m attracted to when you get down to the physical stuff. He’s tall, in shape, dark hair, blue eyes. What i love most is his ability to point out his own flaws. He isnt embarrased by them. His ears are dumbo worthy and…Yes i’m serious when i say..He gets a lazy eye. Only when he’s drunk or extremely tired. But its there. and it doesnt bother him one bit. I love this about him. I love everything about him. He’s perfect. And Now we’re stuck and I dont know what to do. I told him that he had an allotted amount of time, and he’s very aware, but I just dont know how its going to turn out. He’s pushed me so far in a direction that I feel like having sex or anything sexual would just be forced. I dont want to feel like that. But I dont want to lose what small chance we may have left with eachother. I dont know..It’s been really frustrating. I’m not sure what to do with myself. I havent really cried much over it besides the time I spent to tell him how I felt. He consoled me the whole time and apologized for being a dick, but now its at a point of where he needs to figure out what is wrong. I’m not one to usually throw the blame unless its true, and unfortunately in this instance I had to tell him it was all him, because it was. I asked him if I had done anything to deserve the treatment I was getting and he confessed No. So I told him its all up to him. Its only been a day since we’ve talked but he is taking the effort to figure out what he wants. He acts as though he doesnt want it to end but hes been aware of his behavior the whole time. I’m just confused. Its the first relationship that wasnt based off drugs, electro music or needing somewhere to eat and sleep. We genuinely get along and like eachother for who the other is. Our lives fit together like a zipper. Perfectly. And now we have that one tooth out of line and its messing up everything else and holding us back. Hopefully things will push forward in a positive light. Luckily I’m not at the point of devistation if it doesnt work out, though i was close. I will of course be extremely effing sad if things take a turn for the worst but cant say we didnt try…So here I am now, sitting at my day time job, just reflecting. Trying to figure out what needs to be done, if anything, to make this work. I’m lost obviously, because nothing is wrong on my end. So I guess we just have to see.

Its been a crazy year and its only half way through february. Its beginning to worry me how negative things have been. I dont beleive in the whole mayan calender mumbo jumbo but I dont put it past anything or anyone. Maybe this year is just destined to be stressful for everyone, to prove a point maybe? who knows. But I will say, thus far, it doesnt sound like anyone is having a particularly good year, besides maybe Adele…

But I must head out, the office chair is screaming my name..

Ma’a as-salaamah

So, as of yesterday, me and the two remaining roommates signed me onto the lease! That is until the one who was signing off didn’t do just that, sign off. And needless to say this has turned into quite the pickle. At this point, I’ve been the middle ground through out the whole ordeal. Besides just the lease issues, of course there’s issues between (what a surprise) the two female roommates, one of which is leaving. Or so was thought. Said leaving roommate has yet to even find a place to live, and decide to drop that bomb on us the day we all signed the paperwork. Great. At this point I decide to take it upon myself to call the leasing office today. Let’s just say after the phone call, I’m not sure of how good of a decision it was. Apparently the leasing office is pissed at said leaving girl because she’s been such an awful hassle. Not to mention she is now potentially stuck with what was three but now 4 people that aren’t particularly fond of her. Good times. Break

Okay and we’re back. But moving on, basically the leasing office is so disheveled by this whole thing that there is now a deadline for said girl to get her name off the lease. And of course she’s making even more of an issue out of this. My main concern is that they will be so annoyed that they won’t let us make ANY changes to the lease including just putting me on it. The whole reason I even want any of this is so my dog can FINALLY live with me. He has lived at my work for close to 3 years now and it’d be nice to have him around. What a stressful day this has started out to be..

But in other news, who knew that at age 26 that “you fine as hell” was still thought to be a successful pick up line? Apparently the black friend of my crazy ex assumed this pick up was now or ever successful. And I mention that he’s black because of the exact phrase he used. Not to mention I haven’t seen this guy in over a year and we had only hung out when I was with my now ex. ” damn girl, we should chill ya know cuz I mean you is fine as hell” now see? Just silliness.
Well, I guess it’s time for my afternoon rant to be over. Obviously I could’ve said a lot more but I think holding my tongue in some of this is a good idea. But ta-ta. Make today better than yesterday! Ma’a as-salaamah

Its been years since I’ve had a blog! I feel like I should have typed Xanga in the search bar. That in itself should give you an idea of the age range I’m in lol. But onto what is needed. I can say for sure that with my procrastination, this blog will not be entirely kept up with.
So, it’s Monday. Blah. The most uninteresting day of the week. Besides maybe Wednesday.. So yeah, workin the holiday. Sorry MLK, boss’s orders. Today started off relatively well, besides the fact that I am disgustingly tired thanks to my pain meds. A nap would be a gift from god right now. Unfortunately my break isn’t until 11, which leaves me a good 3 hours until I can do so. Not to mention the nap will take place in my truck so I honestly can’t say I’m in a dire hurry to get to it.
Quick side note. This blog is obviously for the crazy stories and such but honestly this last week has been lacking! I’ve been sick since Thursday so I missed all the shenanigans at my evening job. Good timing to make a blog don’t ya say? Pfft. Just figured now is better than never right?
Well in other awesome news, I am officially signing the lease for my house in 2, count em, 2 days! Woot! Calls for a celebration! Ahhh just kidding. My work filled self ain’t got time for that! 2 full time jobs means minor partying. Which is totes fine with me. Hangovers aren’t really my forte.
But what all this basically means is that after 3 years, yes 3, my dog finally gets to live with me! WooT! He has lived at the dog daycare I work at for a few years now because he was a bit too hefty for the parentals humble abode. Which is understandable having weighed in at a good 65-70 pounds! So I finally get my child back! Well, one of them at least. But that is definitely a story for another time. Figured I would just get this blog started with some good news and a “hello!” to all you other bloggers out there. Obviously there isn’t much going on in this blog but feel free to comment. I’m always up for convo starters. Ma’a as-salaamah!

L.A. Covi